The Wife of A Cop

I have been asked what seems like a thousand times, "What's it like being married to a cop?" "Do you worry all the time about your husband?" "Is it scary being married to a cop?" And honestly, I've never lived in fear or worry or anxiety over Roger's job. I've always trusted in his training, his skills and his instincts. And as a wife of a cop, you just can't live that way...always wondering if today is the day your husband won't come home. If you let yourself think that way, you would drive yourself insane.

Today, an Arlington Police Officer died on duty. He was a motorcycle cop and he collided with a school bus. Obviously, between a man on a motorcycle and a school bus, the school bus is going to win. Sadly, he died at the scene.

This loss of an Arlington Police Officer has just devastated me. The officer was young, with a wife and a 2-year old son. All I can think about is this woman, who must have been just going about her normal day, and then in an instant, her world as she knew it is gone. Her son is so young, he will never really know his father. She is now a single mother. And a widow. And it was all just a tragic accident. An accident that could happen to anyone.

For me, it's been a dose of reality. A day like today makes me think that no job is worth losing a husband or a father to. I'm so sad for this woman who I don't even know because I know her worst fear came true today. A fear that she probably never let herself dwell on, like I never let myself dwell on. I think my coping mechanism is to live in a bubble that my husband is always going to come home, that he is always going to be safe, that he's never going to be that one. The reality is that any day, he could be that one. So today, it's hard to be the wife of a cop. Today, the reality of his job really hit home. I know that tomorrow, it won't be so fresh, and my emotions so raw. And in a few days, I'll be back to my delusion, normal self. But today, I'm real and it's been heart breaking.

Normal!

Wow, I can't believe we're already through one full week of 2010. I have to admit, it was very nice getting back to normal things...like grocery shopping on Monday, the gym, preschool, normal bed times, normal naps, normal schedules, normal EATING! The holidays were crazy so I'm especially enjoying the normalcy of my little world. One thing not normal this week was Roger's schedule. It was all crazy. But we did enjoy having him home several nights this week. Wednesday night as I was cooking dinner, I couldn't help but wish this was my life every night. Roger home, playing with Addison and Alex while I cooked dinner. Not just for the fact that cooking was actually enjoyable without one or both of my kids crying at my feet as I try to piece dinner together. But having that normal schedule of Dad being home for dinner and the evening routine. And then having time to spend with Roger in the evening, like watching tv together, like normal couples do.

Sometimes, I just can't help but wish that was my normal life. And it's hard when I get spoiled with a few days of that "normalcy" ...it makes it harder to go back to our unconventional routines. But as I enjoyed having Roger around, I also noticed how I get caught up in the destination (getting my kids to bed) and I don't enjoy the journey (our time together before bed). So many nights, I'm just this worker bee checking off the tasks instead of a mother enjoying the evening with my children. So one of my resolutions this year is to try to remember to put some fun back into our nightly routines. After all, I'm not going to have small children to bathe and put to bed forever. They are going to grow up.And really, it's the journey, not the destination. I believe that.